Ready to Leave?

CREATE A SAFETY PLAN

No person deserves to be abused.  If you're in an abusive relationship and ready to break free, we have tips to help keep you as safe as possible when preparing to leave.

Keep in mind that not every suggestion is suitable for every situation, and some may pose greater risks. Do what is safest for yourself and your children.

Please know that the following suggestions cannot guarantee your safety.

Tips for leaving an unsafe living situation.

Personalize a safety plan that aligns with your needs, not all suggestions are right for everyone. Prioritize what's best for you and your child(ren).

Collect Evidence of Abuse

If you're in an abusive relationship and considering legal action against your partner, documenting their abusive behaviors can be an important component of building your case. If you can, gather evidence of the abuse and bring it with you when you leave. To ensure the abuser doesn't find it, keep it in a safe spot, like a locked work drawer or with a trusted family member.

Trust your instincts regarding the safety of documenting the abuse. Remember, you're the authority on your situation, and what's safe for one person may not be for another.

    • Documents from medical professionals or law enforcement detailing instances of abuse. Whenever you are hurt, seek medical attention if possible. Tell them what happened, ask them to make a record of your visit, and ensure you get a copy of the record.

    • Photographs showing any bruises or injuries. If possible, include dates on the pictures.

    • Torn or bloody clothing.

    • Damaged household items that the abuser broke or destroyed during a violent episode.

    • Photographs showing disarray in your home following a violent episode.

    • A written record or diary with details of the abuse, which could help prove the abuse in court.​

    • Any additional information you believe can further show that you have experienced abuse.

Set Money Aside

If the abuser controls the household finances, you may be limited to saving only a small amount each week. The crucial thing is to save whatever you can without alerting the abuser, minimizing the risk of further harm. Consider asking a trusted friend or family member to hold the money or opening a new account in your name with a secure address, such as a work address or post office box, to prevent the abuser's access.

If you are unemployed, consider gaining job skills through community college classes or vocational school. This will empower you to find employment before or after leaving, reducing financial dependence on the abuser.

Plan for Children Involved

If you plan to take your children with you upon leaving, it's advisable to consult with a lawyer specializing in domestic violence and custody matters beforehand. This ensures you don't inadvertently violate any court custody orders or parental kidnapping laws, particularly if you intend to cross state lines with the children. Free legal information for victims of abuse is available at https://www.womenslaw.org/.

If you are considering leaving without your children, it's crucial to consult with a custody lawyer first. Leaving them with the abuser could impact your chances of securing custody in court later.

Get a Protective Order

Getting a protective order can be an important part of a safety plan when preparing to leave. Keep in mind that a legal protective order may not guarantee complete safety. It's essential to follow additional safety measures for yourself. Free legal information for victims of abuse is available at womenslaw.org.

Identify & Coordinate a Safe Place to Stay

You're not alone. Kendall County Women's Shelter provides a safe haven for victims of domestic violence and their children. Our aim is to support healing and offer crucial services for a new beginning. Our services are confidential and provided free of charge, we also have an on-site pet shelter, ensuring that every member of the family is safe from abuse.

Call our Hotline at 800.495.8078. Advocates are available for you 24/7. Try to memorize this phone number, along with other community or legal resources that may help you feel safer. Be cautious about the abuser's potential to track, monitor, or record your activities. Recognize that your abuser may retaliate if they discover your plans to leave.

Pack a Bag

It's crucial to think about the belongings you might need to take with you before leaving your abuser. Discreetly prepare a “go-bag” containing all the items you need ahead of time. Hide the bag in a place where the abuser is unlikely to find it, ensuring it remains easily accessible for a quick departure if necessary—consider options like storing it in the trunk of your car or at a trusted friend's residence.

Returning home might not always be possible. If you do decide to return, prioritize your safety by choosing a time when the abuser is not present, and consider bringing along someone for support, such as a friend or a police officer. Remember, in emergency situations where a swift exit is necessary, focus on your safety rather than retrieving belongings.

    • An extra set of car keys concealed in an easily accessible spot, so you can retrieve them quickly if the abuser takes the main keys to prevent you from leaving

    • Your driver's license

    • A list of your credit cards so that you can track any activity on them

    • Your checkbook

    • Money

    • Phone numbers for friends, relatives, doctors, schools, taxi services, and your local domestic violence organization

    • A change of clothing for you and your children

    • Necessary medications for you or your children.

    • Copies of important documents relating to your children, including birth certificates for your children, social security cards, school records, and immunization records.

    • Copies of legal documents for both yourself and the abuser, including social security cards, passports, green cards, medical records, insurance information, birth certificates, marriage licenses, wills, welfare identification details, and copies of any court orders, such as protection orders or custody orders.

    • Copies of financial documents for both yourself and the abuser, including pay stubs, bank account details, and a list of credit cards held individually or jointly with the abuser.

    • ​A handful of personal belongings, such as cherished photographs and jewelry, that you wish to keep.

Leave the Situation

If you have your own vehicle, make a habit of keeping it fueled and working properly. Leave when the abuser will least expect it. This will give you more time to get away before the abuser realizes that you are gone. Tell those you trust that you are leaving. If you have time to call the police before leaving, you can ask the police to escort you out of the house as you leave. You can also ask them to be "on call" while you're leaving, in case you need help.

If you’re in an emergency and need to get out right away, do not worry about gathering your things. Your safety comes first.

Call our Hotline at 800.495.8078.

Create a False Trail

If you are fleeing to a confidential location and you fear that the abuser will come to look for you, you might want to create a false trail AFTER you leave.

  • You could call motels, real estate agencies, schools, etc. in a town at least six hours away from where you plan to go.

  • Ask them questions that will require them to call you back. Give them your old phone number (the number at the home you shared with the abuser, not the number to the place you are going).

Wait until after you have left before making these calls. If someone returns your call while you are still with the abuser or if the abuser checks your phone for recent calls, it could alert them to your plans to leave, putting you in significant danger (via womenslaw.org)